Tag Archive | Parent

10 Day Challenge – Day 1

OK – Just watched my first video for this challenge and I can tell this is going to be great!! I am so excited to get started on my homework tonight.

Here is a link for the first sessions video:

http://www.parentingministry.org/parenting-class/session-1-mainmenu-67

I encourage you to take a look and come up with some notes of your own!  Don’t forget to download the free work book so you can follow along!

My notes for the video are as follows –

Who taught me to be a parent? – In most cases we take the good, bad and ugly experiences from our past to formulate our ideas of parenting based on our personalities.  We think – well as long as I try to do better than my parents my kids will at least turn out as good as me.

Less than 11% of christians believe that the bible teaches on how to be a parent and raising children

We can’t just let each day slip by flying by the seat of our pants hoping everything turns out ok.  We have to lean on the Lord and look to His word to help shape our children.  This is such an important task – we can not leave it up to chance.

Often our selfish expectations get in the way of us being able to be good stewards of our children.  We want them to act or behave in a certain way and react out of anger towards them when they don’t, often times over issues that do not upset the Lord.   (I have been very guilty of this just recently) >.<

A minister according to webster is: One who acts under the order of another (the Lord) or who is employed by another (the parents I work for) to execute his purposes.

Who are we executing purposes over? the children! All parents and child care providers are ministers!

What is God’s purpose for me as a minister to my child(ren)? 1. my transformation 2. Gods glorification 3. to love my child(ren) 4. to train my child(ren)

God uses our kids to transform us and perfect us!  He uses their trials and struggles to draw out of us the things that he wants to change in us allowing us to be a better image of him.

when we are not grounded in the Lord and leaning on HIm we are prone to react out of anger, frustration and out of the flesh towards our children rather than in a way that would glorify the Lord

We are supposed to be an example of God to them at home and in public.

Why did Moses not get to enter the promised land?  Because as minister to millions of people he allowed himself to react out of his emotions, anger, and flesh rather than how the Lord asked him to.  God was not angry with the people for whining he was willing to give them the water from the rock but by the time Moses made it to the rock he had allowed himself to become angry with his flock of children and misrepresented the Lord to them.  – Moses put his selfish expectations on the people rather than letting God do the work in them.

God mentions “fatherless” children 41 times and “widows” 74 times – His heart is upon single parent families!

The word widow used in the old testament does not only mean a woman whose husband has died it simply means – a woman who is lacking a husband – in this since I would be considered a widow…..I can think of a bunch of wonderful old testament scriptures I am now included in ❤

 

~Nichole

 

Join Me on My Ten Day Challenge!

I believe very strongly that being a good parent to E.v.e. (and any future children) is my first and possibly most important mission that I will ever have from the Lord.  It is an amazing responsibility to raise up our children in the way they should go and instill in their little hearts and minds the important truths, skills and lessons that will shape them into the Godly men and women the Lord has called them to be.

I challenge all of my friends and family – whether you have children now or plan to have them in the future – to join me over the next ten days as I walk through a study on what it means to consider Parenting a Ministry.   You can either download the FREE work book here: http://www.parentingministry.org/component/content/article/14-main-menu/150-parenting-is-a-ministry-video or just follow along as I post my notes each day.  I think you would get the most out of it if you did the work yourself however. 😉  Each day consists of about a 30 minute video also found at the link above as well as some scripture reading, questions and note taking.

I am excited to start my journey towards being a better minister to my child and can’t wait to hear your thoughts on the study as well!! It would make my day to know who all was joining in this challenge.  Please leave a comment either here or on facebook letting me know you are with me on this 10 day journey!  Also, please feel free to post comments under my following posts on the subject telling me things that you agree/disagree with or things that you found particularly helpful! 🙂

~Nichole

About “Home School”

This section of my blog is dedicated to my story as a home school teacher.  I have no idea what I am doing so I am sure there will be a wide range of emotions felt through out this process from frustration, defeat, and confusion all the way up to excitement, joy, and success!  I will share problems I come up against and the solutions I find, discoveries about my child and her particular learning style, and my daughters progress in her studies.

Graduation Day

Thanks to the bold, quick-thinking actions of a dear friend today I was finally able to see what she had known for some time now.  E.v.e. is no longer the precious, innocent little lamb that always tells the truth. She has officially graduated into being a little girl and has discovered her amazing talent of manipulation. 

E.v.e. screamed, pointed blame – someone hit her – the accused child begrudgingly admits he did – he is sent to his room for a spanking – E.v.e. runs to momma for comfort – I stroke her hair and realizing she is not hurt say ‘he just hurt your feelings didn’t he?’ – E.v.e. buries her face in my leg eliciting more comfort – I go back to making breakfast.

Sadly, no flags went up.  No realization of what just transpired. I have cozy feeling of being a comforting mom, E.v.e. is happy once again and starts to go off to play.  Just thinking about it now that I understand what really happened in those few short minutes makes my stomach turn.  I am sickened by my own actions!

I can’t even begin to describe the range of emotions I felt as my friend kneeled down to my daughters level and began to talk to her in a hushed, commanding tone of voice.  E.v.e. froze and hung her head – she knew this lady meant business!  First, my precious friend asks what her son had done to E.v.e. “He hit you where? On your foot? It looks fine to me. (E.v.e. was wearing shoes -.- why didn’t I catch that??)You weren’t really hurt were you?  You just wanted to get him in trouble.  That is called manipulation and that is very wrong.  Now, he is going to have to get a spanking for hitting you because hitting is wrong too but you knew he didn’t hurt you and still wanted to get him in trouble didn’t you?”  And then, to my great sorrow, my little lamb turned into a little snake right before my eyes as she nodded her head yes. 

I was filled with an overwhelming rush of emotions – guilt, embarrassment, sadness, gratitude, remorse and understanding – my child had just intentionally gotten one of her friends in trouble for really no reason and I had fallen for it hook, line and sinker!  She was mad and used me to retaliate against someone she felt had wronged her.  I had coddled my child and allowed her to act like a brat.

In that moment I realized she is no longer my little baby, she is my little girl.  I awkwardly sat at the dinning room table as my friend went to administer punishment to her son.  She was being a good mom.  Yes, her son was wronged – he hadn’t really hurt E.v.e. but instead of coddling him in return she punished him for the action he knew was wrong. You don’t hit your friends even a little. 

I don’t know that I would have done the right thing if I were in her shoes.  If someone had gotten my child in trouble on purpose for something so little I would have gone back to that room and had a ‘talk’ with her.  I would have reminded her that hitting was wrong and maybe even apologized for her friend being so mean and trying to get her in trouble and might have even told her to forgive her friend.  I am pretty sure I wouldn’t have spanked her because she would have been very quick to emphasize the fact that she had been wronged so should be let off the hook.  *blech* excuse me while I throw up a little!  I do have to be fair to myself though, a few months ago there would have been no hesitation on my part. I would have marched her right back to the bedroom and spanked her butt! It is only recently that my daughter has acquired her manipulation skills and started trying to argue and reason with me. Since then I have allowed my child manipulate me into the very kind of mom I swore I would never be!  I coddle her, I let her off the hook when she makes a good argument about why she should be, I let her whining wear me down to the point of submission just so I don’t have to hear her ask me ‘whyyyyyyyyy?’ one more time. 

As I waited for my friend to come back from being an awesome mom I knew I had to say something.  I swallowed my pride that initially wanted me to pretend like nothing had happened or like somehow it had been my friends job to do and say what she had done and so didn’t require any mention of it on my part.  E.v.e. came and stood beside me and I could see her remorse all over her face.  She knew she had done wrong.  She even winced when she heard the “swack” sound from the back room and looked up at me with her sad, sweet face.  “What you did to your friend was very wrong sweety.  You owe him an apology. He got a spanking because of how you acted. Do you understand that?”  She nodded and hung her head.  There could be no denying it.  I, too, had wronged her friend. 

When my friend came back down the hall I tried my best to stammer out any sort of thing I could say to let her know I understood.  I can’t even really remember what I said other than that I guess I get manipulated a lot because I just did NOT see it.  I was totally blind to it and had no excuse other than I don’t know how to recognize it or correct it.

As she was walking out the door to go to work I realized two things – first, I admire and respect her more than most women I know and second, I have a LOT more left to learn.  Gone are the days of simple discipline.  I now have to sift through a cloud of manipulation to get to the truth of a situation and train my daughter how to respond in a godly way rather than responding out of the flesh and human instinct to manipulate a situation to her benefit.

 E.v.e. wasn’t the only one that graduated today.  I did too.

– Nichole

Love, thank you for such a wonderful friend that isn’t willing to let me keep walking around blind.  Thank you that you gave her the strength and understanding to correct not only my child but me as well in a loving way.  Thank you for her good example in my life.  Give me eyes to recognize when my daughter – or anyone else – is manipulating me and help me to know how to correct it.  Help me to see when I am manipulating others and teach me the right way to respond.  Thank you for letting parenting come in stages and not everything all at once.  Help E.v.e. and I both learn quickly how to interact with each other in a good, godly, and healthy way that leads to us both growing more towards the women you have called us to be.