Tag Archive | Health

The Plan!

Sadly, just trying to eat only when I am hungry and trying to guess which foods are healthy and hoping to lose weight hasn’t worked because I always feel hungry and I always choose the foods I am addicted to!!  My food addiction causes me to feel hungry even when I am not.  The last 4 days that I have cut myself off from those kinds of foods has shown just how much of a hold it has had on me.  I have been plagued with a wide variety of symptoms including feeling like I am starving just a couple of minutes after eating a perfectly healthy meal void of addictions.  So I have had to find another route to take on this journey of getting down to the real me.

The health plan I really want to follow is called “The P.I.N.K. Method” and you can find it here: www.PinkMethod.com, but since I don’t currently have $70 I can spend on it I am having to do my own modified version just based off the little bit that I know about it untill I can save up for it (or someone buys it for me for Christmas *hint*hint*).  The friend who is doing it with me is lucky enough to actually have the program and it is working really good for her so far.

Basically what I am doing is trying to reset my metabolism as well as break my addiction.  I am restricting myself to only eating a limited amount of fruit, lean meats (chicken and fish) and as many veggies as I can stomach.  I am also drinking protein shakes between meals to try and keep my hunger at bay.  I am not having any sugar, flour, corn syrup, high fructose corn syrup, aspertain (I know it’s spelled wrong >.<), potatoes, pasta, beef, pork, fried foods, butter, milk, etc.

I know that the P.I.N.K. method is a lot more strict with their first couple of weeks but since I don’t have the book to go by I figured a broader approach would be less stressful but still get me some results.  At this point even if I don’t lose any weight at first I would be very happy to be totally off sugar and the rest of my addiction combinations.  Wait never mind who am I kidding I really want to lose weight too 😉


Day 4 Sneaky Pasta :(

Usually I wait until the following day to write about how my weight loss plan is going but today was a bummer and couldn’t wait.  Due to a series of unfortunate events I ended up away from work with all the kiddos and none of my prepared “safe” foods to eat at lunch time.  I hadn’t had anything but an apple and an egg for breakfast and by 1pm I knew that if I didn’t eat something quick I was going to have a really hard time not eating one of the kids.  My E.v.e. in particular was looky mighty tastey and she had been the one causing the most ruckus so I figured if I gobbled her up not only would I not feel like I was starving there would be a lot less pestering going on in the back of the van.

All the poor kids were hungry too and since any place with a drive through is totally off-limits I ended up stopping at Publix to try and find something.  I got the kiddos their yummy lunches and found a little section of the pre-made sandwich cooler that had all these different salads in it.  I picked a chickpea salad and read the ingredients carefully – nope nothing in it I couldn’t have! YAY! I love chickpeas so I was feeling pretty good about this.  However, the package looked a little tampered with, one of the corners had been peeled up a little bit so I put that one back and grabbed the one behind it.

Once back at the house I passed out everyone’s lunch and started tarring into mine.  I noticed that the “peas” were a bit smaller than I had expected and that the lid looked a little different than I had remembered but I didn’t even give it another thought until suddenly a headache hit me right between the eyes.  “wait a second…..this isn’t right!” I totally panicked.   I grabbed the lid to the salad and scanned the ingredients and right there in black in white it said “wheat” 😥 it wasn’t chick peas.  I had grabbed a different salad than the one I had originally picked.  This salad was made out of little pearls of pasta.  I wanted to cry.  Writing this now I still want to cry.

I still have the headache but I have decided not to let that little slip up steal the rest of my good eating day.  I am going to have a delicious veggie bake when I get home.  zucchini, yellow squash, egg-plant all sliced up and sautéed in garlic and tomato sauce with onion and all kinds of delicious spices.

I have had to battle against feeling really guilty.  Why didn’t I pay attention? Did I subconsciously known and just choose to mess up? How could I let myself make a mistake like that after coming so far?  And if I was going to accidentally eat something I’m not supposed to why couldn’t it have been something super delicious like chocolate? 😉  I know it wasn’t on purpose and all is not lost.  unfortunately it looks like I have just gained back some of the withdrawal symptoms. This too shall pass.



My hands are shaking, my head is pounding, my legs feel weak and wobbly.  I can’t think straight.  My stomach hurts like I have been starving myself for days despite the fact I just had dinner an hour ago.  All I want to do is fall asleep and not wake up for about a week.

I am so scared of what the next week is going to be like.  Today is my first day with out carbs.  Last time I broke my addiction I didn’t feel this much pain untill about the 3rd day.  Even now I want to curl up in a ball and just cry myself to sleep.  I can picture in my mind every single item of food or drink in the kitchen right now that contains the ingredients I need to relieve this pain and continue on my road of addiction.  The final destination on that road is diabetes at best – death at worst.

Yesterday was a very rough day for me.  It (hopefully) was the last straw that I needed in order for the pain of staying the way I am out way the pain of change.  I felt so sick and knew exactly what it was.  My blood sugar was totally out of whack due to my poor eating habits.

These are the symptoms of hypoglycemia (low blood sugar):

  • Shakiness
  • Dizziness
  • Sweating
  • Hunger
  • Headache
  • Pale skin color
  • Sudden moodiness or behavior changes, such as crying for no apparent reason
  • Clumsy or jerky movements
  • Seizure
  • Difficulty paying attention, or confusion
  • Tingling sensations around the mouth

The ones listed in red are the symptoms I felt last night.  I am so grateful for the quick thinking prayer of my sweet sister.  Moments after she said amen I felt all the symptoms just stop.  100% gone.  Praise God!  I was so afraid that my blood sugar would get too low and I would pass out.  I can’t live like this anymore.  I can’t live in fear, hating my body and how I feel all the time.  Tired, sick, hungry, depressed, fat, all of it all wrapped up in one – I am done with it!!

Laying here in my bed listening to my favorite worship songs I am trying to convince myself that the pain I am feeling right now is worth it.  I will be healthy again.  I will not be in bondage to a food group anymore! This pain is worth it.  This sick feeling will only last a few days and then I will get better. This will end.  Don’t give in.  Don’t give in. Don’t give in. 

Today I am very happy to say that I did not eat any of my addiction foods or combinations.  I only ate lean meat, veggies, fruits and some almonds.  I can do this.  I can beat this.  God help me.

Confessions of an Addict

I have known for some time that I am struggling with a food addiction of some sort but until recently I wasn’t sure exactly what it was.  There didn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason behind my intense food cravings.  It’s not just sweets or just salty treats or even just fatty foods.  It seemed to be something different every day.  I would be minding my own business when all of a sudden I would find myself in the pantry or in front of the fridge searching for that particular food I just had to have.  Whether it is a tall glass of milk with honey mixed in or humus on crackers or a turkey sandwich on thick sliced bread it didn’t matter.  When I get to that point I feel like I have no choice.  I have to eat what ever it is.  I need it and if I don’t find it or don’t let myself have it I walk away feeling sick.  Then the longer I go without what ever combination of foods I am craving that day the worse I feel to the point of head aches, bad mood, and even depression.  It’s the worst feeling I can think of, full of frustration and guilt. I hate it!

For a while I thought that maybe I had some sort of vitamin deficiency.  I thought, maybe I should be listening to these cravings because my body knows what I need.  There was even a few side effects that gave this idea some validity.  Most mornings it is a fight of shear will and strength for me to be able to stay awake.  I don’t mean like the typical “not a morning person” kind of tiredness.  I mean can’t keep my eyes open, falling asleep standing up, can’t think straight, have-no-choice-falling-asleep-right-this-second type of tiredness.  The only way I get through my mornings without falling asleep is if I am constantly moving and even then I might drift off while walking down the hallway.  This feeling lasts untill about 11am nearly everyday.  Sounds like some sort of vitamin deficiency to me!

The only problem with that idea is that these cravings often come when I am not actually hungry, shapes every single meal I eat and it has led to me being overweight to the point of it being dangerous.  Plus, my symptoms have only gotten worse rather than better.  I decided to do a little research and look into what these foods I am wanting have in common.  There had to be a common thread between the seemingly random cravings.  What I discovered totally blew me away!!!

I am addicted to the amino acid Tryptophan.  The highest doses of Tryptophan can be found in poultry and dairy products.  It is also found in humus, various types of nuts, and even some vegetables – the very foods I can’t seem to get enough of! It is the raw material for serotonin and melatonin, the body’s natural sleep-inducing  substances.  Remember how tired you were after thanksgiving dinner last year? Tryptophan is why! Tryptophan is a very important amino acid that is essential to a healthy brain.  It is first converted into the neurotransmitter serotonin, which quiets the brain by slowing down nerve traffic. Serotonin is then converted to  melatonin, which the pineal gland secretes inducing sleepiness.  It is used by our brain to help us to process thoughts and is also used to control our sleep patterns and helps relieve our stress.  Our bodies can not create tryptophan for ourselves so we have to get it from outside sources.

However, this alone doesn’t explain my cravings because I don’t want just humus, I want humus and crackers.  I don’t just want a glass of milk, I want a couple spoonfuls of honey mixed in or milk in a big bowl of cereal.  Upon further study though I discovered the answer for this as well.  Complex carbohydrates play an important  role in my addiction by making the Tryptophan available to my brain. A meal high in carbs  stimulates the release of insulin, which clears amino acids that compete with the tryptophan from my bloodstream.  Once the insulin has done its job clearing them out more of the tryptophan is allowed to enter my brain which encourage sleepiness and the rush of stress busting hormones into my bloodstream.

This is why I struggle so much in the mornings!  I have a big bowl of cereal *carbs* swimming in milk *tryptophan* followed by a surge of Melatonin and serotonin.  I feed this craving though out the day to help my body maintain a high level of those hormones and crave them once it starts to fade.  The reason I think it is so drastic of a sleepiness in the morning versus the rest of the day is because our bodies naturally make melatonin and serotonin while we are sleeping to help us sleep soundly through the night.  So, in the mornings I already have the hormones from the night before in my body and then add even more to them with my breakfast of tryptophan with a side of carbs. >.<

This explains sooooooooooooooooooooooooo much about what I am struggling with.  This is exactly why a couple of weeks ago after a very stressful day at work all I wanted in the entire world to eat for dinner was a Hawaiian sweet roll with butter and a glass of milk.  Tryptophan + Carbs = sleep, peace, rest, momentary relief from stress, weight gain, guilt, shame, unhealthy body, self-hatred, and a need for Gods love and strength to help me.

Love, thank you for helping find the answers to my questions.  Thank you for helping me to better understand my body and how it works.  We are so fearfully and wonderfully made. Thank you that you are my comfort, rest, peace and that you are the one I can turn to when I need to lay my burdens down and let go of my stress and worries.  Help me to remember these things.  Help me to be aware of the food choices I am making and why.  Thank you for helping me lose 5 pounds so far!! It is the slowest I have ever lost weight but I have never been more happy to lose such a small amount.  Thank you for the strength you are giving me to face my addictions and turn them over to.  Help me to not suffer the effects of withdrawal that I seem to experience.  No headaches, no depression, no sleeplessness, none of it.  Thank you Love.


Here is a couple of links to some of the articles I read about Tryptophan:



About “Getting Down”

The “Getting Down to the Real Me” section of my blog is all about my struggles and triumphs as I try to lose about 80 lbs.  I have a long way to go and I am tired of yo-yoing up and down.  I am going to take this journey nice and slow so that hopefully the results will stick this time!!

In the past I have tried just about every drastic diet change you can think of and all with amazing results.  On the Daniel Diet I lost 40 lbs in 3 months!!  Then, every time I tried to “eat normal” I gained it all back in a matter of weeks 😦 Not this time baby!  I am going to address my habits, spiritual strong holds, and addictions and deal with the root of the issue rather than just trying to prevent the symptoms of it.

Chest Pain

Today at about 3pm my chest started hurting.  It was a stabbing pain that made it hard for me to breath and was located over my heart.  At first I figured it was an air bubble or something that would work itself out.  However, as the day went on the pain got worse and would occasionally shoot down my arm and make me feel faint.  By 6pm I could hardly walk with out feeling like I was going to throw up because my chest hurt so much. 

A heart with a white EKG peak superimposed & s...

Image via Wikipedia

That is when I came to a scary realization.  Yes, I may be too young to have a heart attack but I am diffidently out of shape enough to have one.  I hoped that was not what was going on but to be safe my step mom loaded me up in the car and took me to the E.R. After an EKG and X-ray they ruled out heart attack but when they did the blood work they found clues suggesting that I may have a blood clot.  Thankfully, a catscan ruled that out.  They still don’t know what is causing my pain but since they ruled out the two scary possibilities it was safe to send me home.  They think that I might have pulled one of the four muscle walls of my chest cavity and ordered me to take it really easy and give my body time to repair itself.  The pain hasn’t gotten any better but at least I don’t have to worry about it being anything serious.

All of that just to say, it really opened my eyes to how unhealthy I am.  I was determined to lose weight before but now I have to.  The thought that I am overweight enough to be unable to rule out a heart attack as a possibility for why I would have chest pain was scary!  I want to be around for a looooong time.  I am way to young to be concerned with clogged arteries.  Now I know that I may very well be over reacting and that it is possible that all my arteries are just fine but I don’t want to risk it.  Something like that shouldn’t even be on my radar. 

God, please help me to find the right way for my body to lose weight and stay healthy.  I have tried so many diets and plans and workouts and they have only worked for a short time only to leave me back where I started or even in some cases worse off.  I want the body you made for me.  Not this one that I have made for myself.  I want to be whole and healthy and vibrant. Please, help me to be healthy again.


Baby Steps

So far I have lost ONE teeny, tiny pound -.- BUT everything ‘they’ say leads me to think slow, steady weight loss is more likely to stay off in the long run.  Loosing 10 pounds in one week for 4 weeks in a row is waaaaaay more gratifying though!!  Which, yes, I have done with out starving or abusing myself in any other way.  Sadly though, as soon as I went back to a ‘normal’ diet I gained it all back just as fast….sigh.

 I have to keep reminding myself that instant gratification is not best sometimes.  I am going to do this the right way this time.  I am going to take as long as I need to in order to make this weight come off and STAY OFF!!

I am proud of myself though.  Aside from a few thoughtless binges, I have been very good about listening to my body more and only eating if I am actually hungry.  The few times that I did fall back into my habit I was either having a really bad day or had simply bought too much food and ‘couldn’t just waste it’ so I added it to my waist instead :p

Progress is progress I guess so YAY for being ONE pound less!!