Tag Archive | Child

Join Me on My Ten Day Challenge!

I believe very strongly that being a good parent to E.v.e. (and any future children) is my first and possibly most important mission that I will ever have from the Lord.  It is an amazing responsibility to raise up our children in the way they should go and instill in their little hearts and minds the important truths, skills and lessons that will shape them into the Godly men and women the Lord has called them to be.

I challenge all of my friends and family – whether you have children now or plan to have them in the future – to join me over the next ten days as I walk through a study on what it means to consider Parenting a Ministry.   You can either download the FREE work book here: http://www.parentingministry.org/component/content/article/14-main-menu/150-parenting-is-a-ministry-video or just follow along as I post my notes each day.  I think you would get the most out of it if you did the work yourself however. 😉  Each day consists of about a 30 minute video also found at the link above as well as some scripture reading, questions and note taking.

I am excited to start my journey towards being a better minister to my child and can’t wait to hear your thoughts on the study as well!! It would make my day to know who all was joining in this challenge.  Please leave a comment either here or on facebook letting me know you are with me on this 10 day journey!  Also, please feel free to post comments under my following posts on the subject telling me things that you agree/disagree with or things that you found particularly helpful! 🙂



About “Home School”

This section of my blog is dedicated to my story as a home school teacher.  I have no idea what I am doing so I am sure there will be a wide range of emotions felt through out this process from frustration, defeat, and confusion all the way up to excitement, joy, and success!  I will share problems I come up against and the solutions I find, discoveries about my child and her particular learning style, and my daughters progress in her studies.

Graduation Day

Thanks to the bold, quick-thinking actions of a dear friend today I was finally able to see what she had known for some time now.  E.v.e. is no longer the precious, innocent little lamb that always tells the truth. She has officially graduated into being a little girl and has discovered her amazing talent of manipulation. 

E.v.e. screamed, pointed blame – someone hit her – the accused child begrudgingly admits he did – he is sent to his room for a spanking – E.v.e. runs to momma for comfort – I stroke her hair and realizing she is not hurt say ‘he just hurt your feelings didn’t he?’ – E.v.e. buries her face in my leg eliciting more comfort – I go back to making breakfast.

Sadly, no flags went up.  No realization of what just transpired. I have cozy feeling of being a comforting mom, E.v.e. is happy once again and starts to go off to play.  Just thinking about it now that I understand what really happened in those few short minutes makes my stomach turn.  I am sickened by my own actions!

I can’t even begin to describe the range of emotions I felt as my friend kneeled down to my daughters level and began to talk to her in a hushed, commanding tone of voice.  E.v.e. froze and hung her head – she knew this lady meant business!  First, my precious friend asks what her son had done to E.v.e. “He hit you where? On your foot? It looks fine to me. (E.v.e. was wearing shoes -.- why didn’t I catch that??)You weren’t really hurt were you?  You just wanted to get him in trouble.  That is called manipulation and that is very wrong.  Now, he is going to have to get a spanking for hitting you because hitting is wrong too but you knew he didn’t hurt you and still wanted to get him in trouble didn’t you?”  And then, to my great sorrow, my little lamb turned into a little snake right before my eyes as she nodded her head yes. 

I was filled with an overwhelming rush of emotions – guilt, embarrassment, sadness, gratitude, remorse and understanding – my child had just intentionally gotten one of her friends in trouble for really no reason and I had fallen for it hook, line and sinker!  She was mad and used me to retaliate against someone she felt had wronged her.  I had coddled my child and allowed her to act like a brat.

In that moment I realized she is no longer my little baby, she is my little girl.  I awkwardly sat at the dinning room table as my friend went to administer punishment to her son.  She was being a good mom.  Yes, her son was wronged – he hadn’t really hurt E.v.e. but instead of coddling him in return she punished him for the action he knew was wrong. You don’t hit your friends even a little. 

I don’t know that I would have done the right thing if I were in her shoes.  If someone had gotten my child in trouble on purpose for something so little I would have gone back to that room and had a ‘talk’ with her.  I would have reminded her that hitting was wrong and maybe even apologized for her friend being so mean and trying to get her in trouble and might have even told her to forgive her friend.  I am pretty sure I wouldn’t have spanked her because she would have been very quick to emphasize the fact that she had been wronged so should be let off the hook.  *blech* excuse me while I throw up a little!  I do have to be fair to myself though, a few months ago there would have been no hesitation on my part. I would have marched her right back to the bedroom and spanked her butt! It is only recently that my daughter has acquired her manipulation skills and started trying to argue and reason with me. Since then I have allowed my child manipulate me into the very kind of mom I swore I would never be!  I coddle her, I let her off the hook when she makes a good argument about why she should be, I let her whining wear me down to the point of submission just so I don’t have to hear her ask me ‘whyyyyyyyyy?’ one more time. 

As I waited for my friend to come back from being an awesome mom I knew I had to say something.  I swallowed my pride that initially wanted me to pretend like nothing had happened or like somehow it had been my friends job to do and say what she had done and so didn’t require any mention of it on my part.  E.v.e. came and stood beside me and I could see her remorse all over her face.  She knew she had done wrong.  She even winced when she heard the “swack” sound from the back room and looked up at me with her sad, sweet face.  “What you did to your friend was very wrong sweety.  You owe him an apology. He got a spanking because of how you acted. Do you understand that?”  She nodded and hung her head.  There could be no denying it.  I, too, had wronged her friend. 

When my friend came back down the hall I tried my best to stammer out any sort of thing I could say to let her know I understood.  I can’t even really remember what I said other than that I guess I get manipulated a lot because I just did NOT see it.  I was totally blind to it and had no excuse other than I don’t know how to recognize it or correct it.

As she was walking out the door to go to work I realized two things – first, I admire and respect her more than most women I know and second, I have a LOT more left to learn.  Gone are the days of simple discipline.  I now have to sift through a cloud of manipulation to get to the truth of a situation and train my daughter how to respond in a godly way rather than responding out of the flesh and human instinct to manipulate a situation to her benefit.

 E.v.e. wasn’t the only one that graduated today.  I did too.

– Nichole

Love, thank you for such a wonderful friend that isn’t willing to let me keep walking around blind.  Thank you that you gave her the strength and understanding to correct not only my child but me as well in a loving way.  Thank you for her good example in my life.  Give me eyes to recognize when my daughter – or anyone else – is manipulating me and help me to know how to correct it.  Help me to see when I am manipulating others and teach me the right way to respond.  Thank you for letting parenting come in stages and not everything all at once.  Help E.v.e. and I both learn quickly how to interact with each other in a good, godly, and healthy way that leads to us both growing more towards the women you have called us to be.

Mommy Fail >.<

My sweet little E.v.e. just had her 3rd birthday a few weeks ago and, even though we have always incorparated learning into her daily activities, we recently started having “class” on a daily basis.  She is so bright and excited about school that I had all these wonderful images in my head of what our class time would be like.  Lots of praise and excitment and having her quickly grasp concepts we have talked about her whole life.

Yeah, not at all how it really is.  Some days it is all I can do to keep from  screaming in frustration!! She refuses to sit still, wont answer when I KNOW she knows the answer, guesses and randomly shouts out answers when she has no clue what the right answer is, hates worksheets, complains of being tired, hungry, thirsty, gotta pee, anything to keep from having to actually pay attention.

Now, I understand that she is only three and I try very hard to not put too high of an expectation on her but when we are reviewing things she already knows she behaves the same way!  The only way I can get her to answer a question is if I let her do it while shouting or standing on her head!!

I don’t think it would make me so frustrated if I wasn’t also homeschooling ‘Lovie’.  Lovie isn’t mine (she is one of the children that I nanny) and she isn’t even 3 yet and is the perfect student!  She sits still in her chair, answers quickly and usually is right, LOVES worksheets and clearly wants to do school work – basically all the things I had thought E.v.e. would do.

I didn’t mean to compair but it is hard not to!  Well, yesterday my little E.v.e. watched Lovie as she zipped through her ABC song and finished 4 worksheets in the time it took E.v.e. to struggle through her ABC’s just one time.  I made sure to stay possitive and encouraging with her but I could tell she was feeling defeated.  Then on the way home from work I could see her sad little face in the rearview mirrior.

Sad face

Image via Wikipedia

Me – “What’s the matter E.v.e.? Why do you look sad?”

E.v.e. – “You think I’m stupid…” 😦

Me – *shocked heart broken silence*

E.v.e. – “It makes me sad I’m stupid”

Me – “Baby I don’t think you are stupid! You’re very smart! Why would you say that???”

E.v.e. – “Because I can’t learn my ABC’s like Lovie”

And there it is.  My child called me out on my failure and for the rest of the drive home I did everything I could to let her know how smart she was.  We sang songs she knew, counted our fingers, recited bible verses she knew – anything I could think of to let her see she knew a LOT and was smart.

Today we are trying a new approach to homeschool.  I sent E.v.e. to take a nap after lunch and did school with Lovie one on one.  Later today when Lovie goes down for her nap I will do school with E.v.e. one on one.  Hopefully this will prevent me and E.v.e. from compairing the two girls and will work a little better.

Maybe the one on one attention is what she is needing and having to share momma with Lovie during school time is just too much……