Withdrawls


My hands are shaking, my head is pounding, my legs feel weak and wobbly.  I can’t think straight.  My stomach hurts like I have been starving myself for days despite the fact I just had dinner an hour ago.  All I want to do is fall asleep and not wake up for about a week.

I am so scared of what the next week is going to be like.  Today is my first day with out carbs.  Last time I broke my addiction I didn’t feel this much pain untill about the 3rd day.  Even now I want to curl up in a ball and just cry myself to sleep.  I can picture in my mind every single item of food or drink in the kitchen right now that contains the ingredients I need to relieve this pain and continue on my road of addiction.  The final destination on that road is diabetes at best – death at worst.

Yesterday was a very rough day for me.  It (hopefully) was the last straw that I needed in order for the pain of staying the way I am out way the pain of change.  I felt so sick and knew exactly what it was.  My blood sugar was totally out of whack due to my poor eating habits.

These are the symptoms of hypoglycemia (low blood sugar):

  • Shakiness
  • Dizziness
  • Sweating
  • Hunger
  • Headache
  • Pale skin color
  • Sudden moodiness or behavior changes, such as crying for no apparent reason
  • Clumsy or jerky movements
  • Seizure
  • Difficulty paying attention, or confusion
  • Tingling sensations around the mouth

The ones listed in red are the symptoms I felt last night.  I am so grateful for the quick thinking prayer of my sweet sister.  Moments after she said amen I felt all the symptoms just stop.  100% gone.  Praise God!  I was so afraid that my blood sugar would get too low and I would pass out.  I can’t live like this anymore.  I can’t live in fear, hating my body and how I feel all the time.  Tired, sick, hungry, depressed, fat, all of it all wrapped up in one – I am done with it!!

Laying here in my bed listening to my favorite worship songs I am trying to convince myself that the pain I am feeling right now is worth it.  I will be healthy again.  I will not be in bondage to a food group anymore! This pain is worth it.  This sick feeling will only last a few days and then I will get better. This will end.  Don’t give in.  Don’t give in. Don’t give in. 

Today I am very happy to say that I did not eat any of my addiction foods or combinations.  I only ate lean meat, veggies, fruits and some almonds.  I can do this.  I can beat this.  God help me.

Advertisements

Show some love -

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s