I have been a mom for 3 years, 2 weeks, and 2 days. If you add up all the times I have gone to the store with out her, dropped her off for music lessons or gone out to coffee with friends I have spent maaaaybe a total of 7 full days with out my daughter with me….SEVEN out of 1,111 days!!!! We spend every moment of the day together. Most days I am lucky if I get to go pee alone!
Now, I love being a mom. I love it so much in fact that most days I can’t think of a single thing I would rather be doing than spending time with my little E.v.e. but I think it is time for us to make some changes. E.v.e. is getting older. She is totally willing and able to go long stretches of time with out me and she really needs to have that opportunity so that she can define herself and become more independent. To be honest, I really need to develop those things in myself as well. We have reached a turning point in our mother-daughter relationship where if we don’t both allow ourselves and each other to be defined as two separate people we run the risk of forming a co-dependant relationship. I am not just ‘E.v.e.’s mom’ I am me too and as much as I love being ‘E.v.e.’s mom’ I need to learn how to enjoy being just me again.
I have no shortage of supply when it comes to people willing to watch her for me. The problem is I have no idea what to do with myself! I laid awake last night for nearly 2 hours trying to think of something – anything – that I could do for myself so that we could both have some time away from each other and I got nothing. Zero. Zilch. Nada.
I can’t remember the last time I did something just for myself that I really enjoyed aside from painting and crafts and stuff but I just don’t have the money for that. I gotta figure out what I like to do!! Sheesh – 26 years old and no clue how to spend my ‘me time’!!